Last night my ex invited me out to dinner. Stories that start off dinner with the ex are never good. Let me give you inside on this relationship with Mr. G. As my best friend RC will say it ended as quickly as it started. We started dating a 2 weeks before winter break we are both are leaving this city of Miami. I flew back to jersey, he flew back to Montana. 3 weeks and miles away from each other I had my cautions. We had only dated for 2 weeks, we've known each other for longer but still you can only trust somebody so much. What really bothers me about our break up is because I told him I am perfectly okay with taking a break while we are home for the holidays and when we come back we see where we are and see if we can pick up where we left off. He was insistent that we stay together, and got offended that I would even think he would not be faithful. I said okay cause I obvious I believe him. Day before my birthday, text message call me as soon as possible. I was out to lunch with a few friends and he never writes that in a text message assuming something extremely important happened I excused myself from the table and called him. He answers "hey hun" which really bugs me because do not call me hun if you are about to explain to me how you are a complete asshole. I say "hey whats going on is everything okay" He know I'm a person who assumes the worst, but this was not what I was expecting. He says "as you know I am a man and a man has needs, I've been fucking my ex girlfriend for the past week." All I can say is, "This has been going on for a week, and you tell me the day before my birthday." His reply "at least its not on your birthday" Of course a fight occurs, he wins, because he an emotionless bastard and he can tell me all of this with a smile on his face. All I asked him is for his honestly. I was more pissed he waited the week to tell me and lied when I asked him about being faithful. If he had told me as soon as it happened the first time, yeah I'd be bothered by it but I'd be happier because at least he's honest.
When I get back to school in January. I want nothing to do with him. I'm done. Yes I have feeling for him but I tell myself everyday I am a strong woman to doesn't need that so in ways I know this will get to him, in ways its me showing I dont care. I don't ignore him because they he knows what he did to me really bothered me, but instead I act like we are two people who just know each other. I say hi when I walk past you and that is it.
Last night, he asked me to dinner for an overdue talk. Blah blah im sorry blah blah i did not realize how much you meant to me blah blah, will you go back out with me? I say give me to the end of spring break I need time to think. I still have feelings for him but honestly they are feelings that I put into a box and that is sitting next to the garbage can. I haven't quite got the courage to trash it but I would've been if he did ask me back out.
I tell you all this because last night between stressing for test, I am also all worried over a guy who I don't know what to tell to him. After dinner and in the middle of studying for test, 11:37 (yes I just looked at my phone to see what time I got the call). My friend called to me update on my childhood friend D, who happened to get in a terrible car accident, which I is hard for me to talk about until I see him and hold him to know that he will be okay. She tells me he's still in the ICU getting surgeries for all the burns on his skin, and that he is paralyzed from the waist down. A guy who has told me if he could only do 1 thing for the rest of his life it would be to surf. Now he will never get the chance.
Suddenly my "guy problem" seems so insignificant. Why does tragedy always make you value life and realized that the little things in life aren't that big? Why can't we realized that on our own in daily life? I take life for granted, so do most people. So today I told and will continue to tell the people I care about I love them and that my life without them would be bleak. As for Mr. G, I told him I still have feeling for you but you fucked up and I am better then that. He says oh damn and turns to walk away, I reply "friends?" He said "always" Just because we worked horrible together as a couple did not mean or friendship was terrible. So today I threw away the box and decided that I need to cherish everyday.
stay strong D, you have so many people behind you and that love you.
"The greatest gift you can give others is your best you - your healthiest you."- Joseph J. Sweere
Every part of my day was bright because today nothing can bring me down =]
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